Thoughts and Ruminations

Hello friends.

In conversation with one of our friends, she (Sarah Ross) said during a time of prayer for Hannah, the word “fast” kept popping into her head, and she wanted to pay attention to it. She wondered about a day where we could fast and pray together. Both to honor God sharing with Sarah wisdom and guidance, and because fasting has a way of clarifying our time and our focus in prayer. When we remove something that can be a distraction, or a way to cope with other things, and instead hone in on prayer, we can find a stronger inner attentiveness to God for a period of time.

So, tomorrow, from dawn to dusk, we will engage in a day of Fasting and Prayer for Hannah. Some of us will choose to fast the whole period of time. Others of us will give up one of our meals. Some with medical conditions or other circumstances will just choose to focus a chunk of the day and devote that time to prayer.

So, how ’bout it? We’ll start the fasting and prayer at 6 am and continue until 9 pm.

For those who haven’t already done so, it would be helpful to have an assist for times of prayer. Bethany has an album of Hannah’s pictures on her Facebook account, and you could pick one that helps you to visualize and focus your prayer.

I’ve also set up an account on Ustream, and I’ll have the computer webcam pointed towards Hannah’s bed from 9 am on. So we’ll be streaming the video straight from the bedside to you, live! For those who use this tool, it will give you an opportunity to pray for various caregivers over the course of the day as you’re on, and join those praying intentionally over Hannah in those times too. I (Nathan) will have my hands on or just over Hannah in “typical” mealtimes that fit with times that nurses aren’t working on her (9-10 am, 1-2 pm, 7-8 pm) and other times too. Click this underlined sentence that is linked to the Ustream account so you can follow the video if you’d like.  Again, it will get started “broadcasting” at 9 am.

As always so far, if you feel comfortable sharing, let others know, either through the Facebook page, or this blog post, what you’re experiencing/seeing/hearing/impressions during your times of prayer. Your participation and guidance from God helps us to know how to pray, and how to shape our times of prayer. Sarah has already done this! So, thank you, Sarah, and everyone is invited to the Day of Fasting and Prayer, as you feel led.

Here’s a couple of glimpses into Hannah’s journey in the NICU I thought would serve as an encouragement:

“For the typical baby at 26 weeks, the chances of survival are about 75%. Because of what she has been through, and our concerns about her lungs, I would put her chances at about 5%.” The doctor giving us a pre-delivery consultation.
“She’s exceeding all our expectations” Two different nurse practitioners

One nurse practitioner’s face showed her amazement on day 3 as she sat with us looking at Hannah.  She had overseen Hannah’s care the first night at the worst time.  She didn’t say much, but her face said it all on that third day.  Intermittently, she would shake her head in looking at Hannah and smile.  I hope this experience renews her passion for why she’s a nurse; that nursing is a holy vocation, a wonderful opportunity for hands-on love; especially with the children in the ICU who are visited very little.  As I’m writing, there’s a nurse sitting in a rocking chair to my left with a child we have not seen visited once.  The child often cries, but the nurses come by to touch and to let the child sleep on their shoulder, and he calms right down.

“We want her to get to 40% oxygen or less on the ventilator, but her lungs just can’t support her” a nurse said the first night when she was at 100%.  Hannah hit 40% oxygen early Saturday morning, with a low of 38%.  She’s bumped up and down a bit from that point, but she’s generally holding steady at 40-42%.

“We’d like the ‘mean’ of her blood pressure to be at least her gestational age (26), but we’d love for it to be at 30 or more” spoken the first night when her blood pressure mean was in the mid-teens.  Hannah’s blood pressure rose after the first night, and now the “mean” consistently measures anywhere from 38-43, excellent for her age.

“We’re going to start feeding her breast milk today.  Don’t be surprised though if she doesn’t digest it, or has significant problems.  Almost all our preemies have trouble from the very beginning.”  Said on Thursday.  She’s been fed 15 times since then, with only two times where she didn’t digest the milk because she was on her back.

And below I’d like to share a little summary of quotes, encouragements, and other words from friends affected by this crisis.  Each of these are reminders we are always changing (for better or for worse), and crises have a way of sharpening that change; who we become results from the decisions we make.  I’ve seen many people growing in their ideas and practice of prayer especially.  People have realized that prayer, seriously practiced (especially when carried by a community), changes the world.  Period.  Here is the summary:
“God is showing you Himself in your suffering and prayer and you’ll never be the same again.”
“Each day of Hannah’s life, we praise you! we praise you!”
“I’m so thankful that we serve a God who can wrap us close and give us comfort in times like this.”
“I have lost 10lbs and dropped 20+ points on my bottom number for blood pressure… Lord, I’d like to donate those pounds and points to Hannah Myers. Thanks & Amen.”
“She was swaddled in a blanket, but I think just being that close to our voices and feeling our breath….there was just something supernatural about it! God is faithful!”
“The night she was born God had me read Exodus 14:13. It’s talking about the Egyptians. Moses had brought the children of Israel out and they were asking him, “Did you bring us into the desert just to let us die?” He told them not to be afraid. The egyptians they saw that night they would never see again. God told me that was for Hannah and her situation and that what we were seeing that night we would never see again.”
“May these tough days soon pass into weeks and months of steady growth, and later become a powerful story of God’s strength and mercy.”
“Prayers flow with tears words cannot express.”
“I am sitting in Bethany’s hospital room after having just spent some time with our precious Hannah…. She was ever so sweetly laying on her side, spontaneously grinning and it was the sweetest thing you’ll ever see….”
“I woke up at 3 this morning and prayed for Hannah. I trust I’ll get to meet that little miracle someday.”
“Life has a way of feeling ordinary. But this situation makes everything brighter.”
“They said they were losing her and wanted to know if Nate and bethany wanted to hold her before she passed away…. well, God wasn’t done yet…”
“How this situation appears does not dictate the outcome. “No, despite all these things, OVERWHELMING VICTORY is ours through Christ who loved us.” Romans 8:37″
Before Bethany’s water broke, when she was experiencing serious bleeding and complications, in a discussion in a men’s group about intercessory prayer, a friend shared: “I’ve never really practiced, or felt drawn to using the imagination in prayer.” About an hour later, after fifteen minutes of quiet prayer together, he said, “I don’t really know what to do with this, but while we were praying, I saw two people. One was definitely Bethany, the other I assumed was you. Bethany had a round, full belly, and all I felt was joy, joy, joy.” (this experience is where Hannah got her middle name)

And now, for you. What are you learning through participating in a proactive way in this crisis?

Some intrepid adventurer,
conquistador more accurately,
thought it would be a great idea to plunder my potato patch
in which they
had not dug until sweat streamed, dirt soiled clothing, and muscles grew tired
had not sown after much reading and with much trepidation
had not watered
had not nurtured
had not scratched their heads in bewilderment at how to nurture
had not sat and wondered in mystery what was going on beneath the soil.

All this time, the anticipation, the hope of harvest had built in my head.
Could I have cared for this row enough for it to provide good, healthy food?
Was I insane to think that something could come of this effort?
Was it worth it to think that I could achieve some success with these potatoes
that Kroger could not provide?

But this has been taken away from me

Now, initially, I am left with visions.
Visions of shovels swiftly meeting knees or back
Visions of fists meeting jaws
Visions of rage spilling out in quivering castigation upon their lazy, stealing selves.

But Jesus has taught me not to trust initial visions.

I am instead commanded to step back and consider the larger picture
beyond my often selfish gaze, thoughts, and emotions;
What if they had great need?  If those potatoes would serve them better than us?
What if they, in poverty, never had home-grown potatoes,
never could sample their local, fresh, Yukon-gold taste?
Does this change my perspective, my emotion?

It should.

But what if they are lazy, are the products of an entitlement society
where everyone else provides and they consume?
Should I be angry then?

Yes.

What if it is both?

Now that’s messy.

Should I maybe also take the long-view that my commitment to nurture and strive
in a neighborhood where nurturing and care aren’t deeply cultivated practices
may bear fruit over the long-term?
That this garden could show that someone, ANYONE, cares about this neighborhood,
so those disappeared potatoes
(stolen as they may be)
are but a whisper of rebellion in the larger winds of healing God wants to bring here?

Either way, I must come down somewhere,
and so I come down here;

If there was great need, then God, may you bless them,
may the potatoes be a gift of nourishment and care.

But if this was simple selfishness, latching on in parasitism to the work of others,
then God, may those potatoes be a curse to them.
May they sting the stomaches and the soul of the takers and eaters so much
that they are driven to their knees,
driven to the toilet,
physically and spiritually crushed by the gravity of their sin.
May it lead them to courage and repentance,
hopefully,
extended to me.

Please, please, on days like Veteran’s Day, quote Eisenhower, or Churchill, or Patton, or JFK, or whoever.

But please don’t quote Jesus’ teaching, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”  The second half of that thought is, “And you are my friends if you do what I command.”  And Jesus commanded his disciples to love their enemies and give their lives for them.

I respect the willingness of veterans to give their lives for a cause they believe in, but don’t quote the one who gave his life for his enemies to support destroying enemies.  It sickened me to hear Jesus quoted in the context of Veteran’s Day today on the radio.

I had a discussion about a week or so ago at Cracker Barrel with some folks who came to eat who are from New Orleans.  Our conversation rambled over several different topics, but we eventually settled on the topic of race.  That phase of the conversation lasted about 15 minutes, and touched on the racial elements of the Hurricane Katrina disaster, on racial progress in America, and what we saw as the future.

The man of a married couple stated at the beginning of the conversation that he believed racism is on the way out in America, and that the distinguishing lines in the America of the future will be social class and not race.  Yet over the course of his talking, he constantly referred to blacks and Hispanics as “them,” as in

“They, like it or not, were the ones doing most of the looting post-Katrina in New Orleans.”

And he finished his contribution by saying, “Well, we’ll see now that they’re in positions of prominence, with a black man as President and a Latina in the Supreme Court.  Now they can’t use excuses anymore.”

My thoughts.  Constantly using the term “them” and “they” over the course of trying to make the argument that racism is dying is kind of like a person claiming to transition to vegetarianism while eating a medium-rare steak.  The supposed goal doesn’t fit the present reality.  And second, how’s this for a suggestion.

Since white men have gotten a shot at the presidency forty-three times before a black man finally attained it, how about we judge “them” after the forty-third black president.  And since there were 110 judges before Sotomayor, with 108 of them being white men, how about we wait until, oh, about 50 Hispanic judges before we judge “them.”  Come to think of it, unless we’re claiming to desire an end to racism while maintaining stereotypes, how about we refuse to judge “them” as exemplars of “their” entire race and judge “them” by the content of their character.  Then maybe racism will fade, as “us” and “them” will be absorbed into a larger “us” that includes us all.

How’s that for a suggestion?

For those interested in this thing called “emerging church,” wherever you might be coming from, here’s a good video as an introduction for you.  Here’s the link to the video.

I encourage you, even if you find this stuff stupid drivel, meaningless chatter, or an unwise discussion for the church to be having, listen to these panel members. Tony Jones, especially in this panel discussion, has his finger on the pulse of why the “emerging conversation” matters for the church and for the world we live in.

Tony is already talking about it on his blog at Beliefnet, and I’ve posted my initial reflections in the conversation there.   After you watch the video (and only IF you DO watch), I’d encourage you to join in the conversation.    While I don’t agree with some significant theological positions Tony has developed, I was extremely impressed by his integrity, passion, and commitment in this panel. And Scot McKnight as well, though McKnight kept using the word “orthodox” in unwise, overly confident ways.

Panelist Kevin DeYoung, on the other hand, should be ashamed of himself and should publicly repent for his ill-advised book  “Why we’re not Emergent” and perpetuating in his public persona the oversimplistic, demonized image of the emerging church conversation that evangelicals carry.   I don’t expect him to, though, because he’s getting plenty of backslaps in the conservative evangelical community for it.  A community, I should add, that loves drawing huge generalizations and massive stereotypes of people unlike them.   In other words, a community perpetuating unwise distinctions that lead to masses of evangelicals being unwise stereotypers. And when they engage in that sort of behavior, that lack of wisdom obscures some of their solid, Biblical teachings that our culture needs to hear and see lived out.

Nate

for the next two weeks.  We’ll talk on February 2nd.

Nate